areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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