this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
