i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
