I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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