i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
foreskin is a definite game changer
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
