i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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