Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
