Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
