Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
