do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
