Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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