somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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