summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Just cropdusted the office
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
