Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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