apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
