I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
