Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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