ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
