i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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