I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
