I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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