I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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