Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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