I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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