Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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