Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
