We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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