I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Girls should come with a carfax report
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
