sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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