Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
