She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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