yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize