I wanna bring you to show and tell
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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