i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
