Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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