haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
