So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
