She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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