There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
