How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
