I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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