I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
