oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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