i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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