Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Randomize
