The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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