I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
