I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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