woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
