ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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