This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
