I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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