she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
