i already hear my dad disowning me
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
