She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
