Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
