Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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