Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
