I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
