im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
