lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
