What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
