my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
