If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize