he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
