Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
