So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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