just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
